Co-dependency

Well, it is the end day 2 of being without Alex for a week and last night was the worst night I have ever experienced in my life - even worse than the week I gave myself internal injuries by puking so hard and had to go to the hospital. Tonight I am taking serious precautions. And sleeping pills.

First of all, I received an email from a client, business-owner, that is absolute trouble. So bad in fact, that we are looking for ways to close her account from under her and provide her employees with alternate options. It was definitely a contributing factor to my insomnia. I kept having nightmares about this woman cannibalizing her employees.

It also thunderstormed for a short while. I usually find storms to be quite relaxing.

And we have a houseful of loud ghetto neighbors down the street that drove past my house at least 6 times last night with their loud, ghetto-bangin' cars. Inconsiderate jack@$$es.

Every creak, every cat fart, every thunderclap sent me into a panicked andrenaline rush  - and friends, I have an old house that is settling all the time and three cats. I was awake all night. In fact, at 4 a.m. I simply gave up and started getting ready for my 7 a.m. product fair in Goshen because I couldn't stand to lay in bed with my eyes open for another moment.

I txted Alex at 5 a.m. (which was 4 a.m. St. Louis time) and he apparently wasn't sleeping well either because he actually responded. We are never usually good Sunday night sleepers anyway. There have been lots of Sunday nights where we sit up in bed and talk because we just can't sleep. Right now, I am sipping a red tea blended with chamomile, lavender, and passionflower, and will take a sleeping pill before bed. My eyes are so red and bloodshot that a piano student asked me if I had been crying. I hadn't. I just hadn't slept at all.

Alex and I have a really amazing relationship I have come to recognize. Sometimes I feel like it is a little bit deeper than just a husband/wife relationship and it definitely treads into the 'best friendship' kind of marriage. I sometimes laugh and say we are totally co-dependent upon each other. Almost to a fault.

You should see the notes Alex has left me all over the house:
-Don't forget your keys
-Don't forget your cell phone
-Don't forget your purse
-Turn off all the lights
-Lock the doors when you're home alone
-Double check your curling iron so the house doesn't burn down.
- Do not shut the door until you have made sure your keys are in your hand
-Take your medicine
-Don't leave the stove on!
-Feed the cats!

It may seem absurd, but if he didn't write those notes to me, I would probably lock myself out of the house or the car, with my purse, phone and other necessities inside, and have to walk to my parents' house for help. While walking there, something on the stove would catch fire and burn the house down. And the cats would be taken away from me by a well-meaning but ill-informed social worker.

BUT it does go both ways. If he didn't have me, Alex would sleep on the same sheets until they disintegrate. He would dress himself by way of the "sniff-test" and laundry detergent wouldn't exist in the house as long as Febreeze is affordable. His zipper would be down 4 out of 5 mornings and he would probably die young due to a diet of hamburgers, Corn Pops and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. His socks would be full of holes, and he would stay out all night in every manner of place of ill-repute looking for his big break in the rock n roll industry. He might have joined the army and could have had every bone in his body broken on day 5 of basic. Worst of all though - he would still live with his mother.

I accept our co-dependency, even though it makes it very difficult for us to be away from each other for very long. I know our reunion later this week will be that much better because we are anxious to be together again. Honestly, I just want his body heat next to me again. I get cold quickly at night.