Does anybody know what time it is??

I am referencing the Chicago tune, not that stupid show with Tim Allen from the 90's.

I have been reading some guides to help improve my writing skills and thus far I have been irritated and disappointed that I simply have not found the time to dedicate myself to it. I'm lucky if I manage to get a one-page journal entry put down every three days or so. It makes me feel like I am completely unable to properly prioritize. Working my job is, strangely enough, not a priority to me, but getting out of debt is one of our highest priorities, and thus, the conundrum.

Two days until July 1, and so I've been sitting at the computer, pulling up my share of the monthly bills, getting them scheduled and budgeted. I feel proud that we paid off 3 small debts last week, and proud that my individual debts are decreasing. One student loan is going to be under $3000 soon. I owe less than $7000 on my car now. We owe less than $2000 on a credit card that almost had $10,000 on it 3 years ago. I am proud of our efforts, but it's discouraging to have to set aside my passions in order to continue working on these goals.

I've been reading "If You Want To Write" by Brenda Ueland, which has been a beautiful read, but sadly, I fear I' haven't had the time to do any actual writing. It's been more like "I want to write, but I barely have the time to read!" I love her imagery and the way she reminds me that really, there is nothing wrong with ME. It's the rest of the world that simply cannot understand where I am thinking from. It's hard being a right-brained person in a society dominated by left-brained pragmatists who value productivity over creativity.

It is now about 8:22 in the morning, and I am due in at work in 2 hours. I will commence my usual morning routine at this point, showering, makeup, dressing, trying to fit in a load of laundry or wash a few dishes before I leave for the day. All the while, my right brain is begging me to call in sick (which I won't do, and never do), sit in the chair for awhile with everything silent in the house and wait for something beautiful to flow from mind to pen and paper. Then maybe drive downtown to that empty coffee bar and see how much they are leasing it for. Then go to a farm, or an orchard somewhere, and breathe in the smells of fresh fruits and earth. 

When my thoughts are full of these things, it's no wonder I'm a total failure by the world's standards.

Fortunately, I don't listen to the world. I value what God has created in me. :) 

Creative Inventory Part 8

What has been your greatest creative hurdle thus far?

Easily, my greatest creative hurdle is finishing what I start. This is even evident in the fact that I 'started' this blogging the answers to these questions, and it's been 4 days since the last time I posted. Not on purpose - I just have never had a really good drive to complete anything.

Starting projects is fun and new. It's enticing. The elements are sitting in various pieces all around the table and looking at each other, wondering how they will fit together. But once the project gets underway, it loses it's novelty and after awhile, especially if it doesn't turn out the way I intended, I will stop working on it. The poor project becomes just another of my unfinished pieces in a box. And I have a LOT of unfinished dresses and other sewing projects. A LOT of unfinished stories in Word files on the computer. A LOT of half-done paintings.

Finishing - staying interested to the end - it my greatest hurdle. It's also the reason I believe I need a partner to keep me accountable. I just haven't found the right partner yet. But I know he/she is out there!

Creative Inventory Part 5

What activates your creative energy? What deactivates it?

I don't think I can even list all the things that get me in the mood to create!! I am inspired always by beautiful things. Now wait, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what can I possibly mean by that? I guess it's more complicated than simply "I am inspired by beauty".

Remember how I said I have a natural talent for seeing the possible? It goes along with that. I am inspired by blank canvasses. A raw, uncut piece of fabric. A huge open stretch of land that has nothing growing on it yet. Entire days where I have nothing that has to be done! (I can't wait for Wednesday, my day off this week!) A basket-full of balls and skeins of yarn that haven't been woven into anything yet.

Sunny days inspire my Earthiness and pull me out-of-doors into the sunshine to dig in the dirt, to design gardens of flowers and vegetables and fruits and to adore the beauty of Creation.

Stormy days bring out my 'hand-made' creativity. All things fine arts are produced on stormy days - new dresses, new crochet designs, new tales of haunted house, pirates, and best friends, new drawings and worst of all - encourage me to redecorate a room of the house. (This occasionally gets me into trouble.)

Days that are in between stormy and sunny make me want to play the piano for hours and sing. Cloudy days don't give a lot of leniency for sitting around, nor do they make me want to coax seedlings to grow taller, and so my heart begins to sing the blahs away.

BUT I begin to feel drained when the project has carried on for too long. This is my creative downfall and why I am so terrible at follow-through. I begin projects with gusto, anxious to bring the thoughts in my head into reality. Once they begin to take much longer than I originally planned - especially sewing projects if they must be ripped apart and resewn - I begin to lose my creative spark toward that project and it will become just another statistic in my pile of things unfinished. When something no longer stimulates my eye for the possible, I lose interest, and, often, move on to the next stimulus. This is something that makes me believe that I need a partner to work with - someone to hold my nose to the grindstone.

Deadlines are especially effective for me. If I promised to deliver something the next day, you can bet I will pull an all-niter to finish it!

Insomnia

I love to read poetry, it's

One more nail in the coffin that makes me

Too free-spirited to be of any real use to the

General population of hard-working, logical

Folks.


Sometimes I lie in bed and

All these verses tumble around in my mind

Not sure which way is up or

Out.


And so I get up and make a pot of

Tea thinking that it will help soothe the

Savage beast and  lull my racing thoughts

Enough to rest and refresh but it doesn't always

Work.


I love to read poetry and to wrap my tongue

Around words of prose and verses sweet but

I don't think poetry is what keeps me up at

Night.