Not Really Looking

I have an interview for a full time position at a local credit union this morning.

I put in my application and resume kind of on a whim. I did not have high hopes or expectations. I wasn't frantically checking my email 3 times a day waiting to hear back from them. But after two weeks, they called and said they wanted to interview me. I agreed, because what harm could it do to interview?

It is a full time position, which I have never worked in my life. Now, there have been times where I have worked 3 part time jobs at once, but never one full-timer. That would be a new and interesting experience for me. It would also speed up our hopes for a great vacation next year and our application process for becoming foster parents.

And my interviewer's name is also Lindsey, spelled with an 'e' - the right way. :)

So send positive thoughts and prayers my way today. I am a bit anxious. I am always a bit anxious though. This could be just another notch on the block, or it could be a game changer. Either way, I know that my Father never leaves me or forsakes me, and I am quite certain that He has a purpose for me in this.

Been Awhile!

My goodness! I feel like I'm returning from death - I've been away for so long!

Well, to get the good stuff out of the way at the very start, I am very pleased with my new job at the bank. I like the people that I'm working with, I like the customers (thus far) and I haven't run into anything that I'm uncomfortable with yet. I am concerned with getting referrals when my 90 day grace period is up, but I guess that if I can trust God to come through for me when I needed employment, I can also trust Him to come through for me when it comes time to meet my quotas for the months. My feet get tired by the end of my shift, but there is always something to do, so I'm never bored. The pay is great, the best I've ever received for any job, and I've been working much more than I was promised - the last two weeks I've logged more than 70 hours, and I was hired to do 40-45 hours over a 2 week pay period. This makes my husband really happy since he no longer has to work excessive overtime to help me pay my share of our bills.

My branch manager asked me if I woke up or went home with feelings of never wanting to come back. I told her no, and she asked if I was being honest. In the back of my head, I thought about the dreaded insurance job that made me cry every single day and put feelings of dread, anxiety and guilt into my spirit - all things that are unnecessary. I haven't felt any of that working for the bank. With the insurance job, I knew from the second day of training by the feeling in the pit of my stomach that it wasn't for me. I enjoyed the training for the bank and I transitioned seamlessly into the branch activity. By my third full day, I didn't even need to be supervised. My drawer has balanced every day, and my work has been perfect.

Yes, I am aware that I have a personality defect that is linked to performance. Why do you think I wanted to become a concert pianist? Everything in my life is a performance. It's unhealthy, but I mentally validate my self-worth by how I perform at any given situation in life. It passes after a few weeks and I become more tolerable of my own mistakes and less disappointed in myself. I've learned to adapt. I should probably ask for healing for that, but it's amazing what we learn to live with.

Now for the ADD moment of the day - I was horrified to hear the Weather Channel using Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata as a background for disaster photographs from Japan.

I am always hesitant to comment on any kind of disaster that happens around the world, just like I am very hesitant to comment on anything political. There are far too many opinions out in the etherspace, and most of them have zero substance. I don't know why it happened, or what will come out of it, or if people around the world will handle it correctly, and therefore I am not qualified to offer any kind of opinion. I AM very sorry for what has happened, and human suffering brings me to tears, but I really have nothing else to say about the situation at this time.

I've had to shut my website down for a couple weeks. There is a LOT to do, and keeping up with orders was getting difficult. Just until I am more comfortable with work, get the spring yard cleanup underway and the plantings finished, and finish up some other projects around the house. So fear not! L.Peek Designs is not out of business! I just need to play catch up. :)

Speaking of catching up, I have been sitting around all morning. It's time to get busy on my day off!

No longer completely useless...

I DID IT!

I landed the job! I am now employed again and I am praying that this time I can handle this job.

I'm going to be a bank teller for our local 5/3 Bank branch. Part time, and it looks very promising that this one is going to work out well. And this time, I actually have an offer letter, and I have accepted it. It happened very fast - first contact call on Monday, hired by Friday. All pending on a background check, but seriously, I have nothing in my background. My background is as boring as a tree stump.

I am excited to begin, and I am even more anxious to remind myself that I am not useless. I allowed a lot of people to make me believe I was a failure - no one that I love of course - but people that I had to come in contact with. I do not have thick skin, and honestly, I don't want to ever bother growing thick skin. I believe my feelings are essential to who I am - I feel deeply and personally. Now that does create some drama, but it also helps me empathize.

I am not longer a failure! Woo hoo!

Of course, the piano lessons and the Etsy shop will continue. I will probably just do fewer promotions with the Etsy shop and I am not likely to take on too many new students. Wedding season is around the corner, so I am filling up the Saturdays!

If we can get the debts paid down, we might go on vacation this year. :)

Interviewed

I had an interview with 5/3 Bank today and I think it went very well.

I hope that they felt the same way!

I really hope that this is the kind of job that I want.

I hope I made a good first impression.

I hope that my lucky red lipstick made me stand out as a confident, and yet self-controlled woman.

Still Searching

I still do not have a job.

And my husband is getting very nervous and high-strung about it.

And that affects our marriage because when he gets high-strung, he tends to wave his arms, stutter, and grab my wrists. It's very off-putting and makes me shut down. Then we can't talk because he's freaking out and I am imploded. One of those little things that they warn you about when you get married that you don't believe.

We are not destitute. We do not have immediate needs. We have food every day, and even if we didn't, we could go to his family or mine for any meal.

But it's very depressing to not be wanted. To feel like you aren't qualified or deserving of a certain position because so many other people with the same qualifications want the same job.

Good news and a good job offer would be very welcome right now.

This economy is bad, but I don't think it's as dire as the media claims. Great ideas come from jobless people. They get creative. Very creative.

My motto until I have real work again is "Necessity is the mother of invention."

I wish the ground would thaw.