Being A Mama

This is a very quiet, much more personal post that I'm not going to link to Facebook, but would rather share with those who follow my blog.

I'm not expecting - I hope the title didn't get your hopes up. My sweet Alex has made it very clear that he is mortally terrified of having babies the natural way. But I have also been making it very clear that my biological clock is past hitting the snooze button. I want to be a mom. I want someone to care for. (My cats have been great, but they aren't kittens anymore. They're pretty self-contained. Lol.)

I think my desire got worse when I walked down to our elementary school last Tuesday. My dear friend Dana's 2 older daughters started school there this year even though they live in a different city and we happen to live a block and half away. It was a different kind of excitement and joy to see them off on their first day of school.

Alex and I have always talked about fostering and adoption. It seemed that the one thing we definitely agreed upon when it came to having a family was that we wanted to adopt. My husband's views are that if we're going to have kids, we're going to give existing children the kind of opportunities that we had as kids instead of bringing new ones into the world. And I've always felt that there are far too many children that need loving homes and the care of someone like me.

Two weeks ago I got to meet with some folks in our church that are starting up an adoption and foster care ministry. I went to that meeting because I knew it was going to be the first step in getting my family started. Alex encouraged it but didn't attend because he had a rehearsal to get to. In the meeting I got to meet several folks who feel the same way I do, some who can't have children biologically, and a few who just want to help in any way they can.

Our pastor, Edgar, gave a statistic quoted from our governor, Mitch Daniels, about Indiana's foster care system. He said, statistically, that if ONE family from EVERY church in the state of Indiana adopted ONE child, our entire Child Welfare system would be empty.

Wow. That really put it into perspective. It says two things to me - the biggest being that we are not following through as Christians with a mandate to care for the orphaned. The other is that our governor recognizes that Christians can and should be relied upon to change this situation.

So Alex and I have continued to have slow discussions since then. We agreed that we want to foster and eventually adopt. We agreed that we would like children somewhere between ages 4 and 10. We agreed that for now, we can only take one child at a time until we finally buy that big house in the country that I've been praying for. :) We agreed to begin the application process as soon as possible so that when the time comes we won't have to sit around a wait through interviews and home visits.

I think I am finally ready to care for someone like a mother should. I'm still not ready to have and care for a baby, but I would like to have a child to love on and pray for and care for. God has always brought beautiful children into my life through teaching and neighbors and friends.

So pray for me and for Alex and I as a couple as we slowly (SLOWLY) embark on this next step. I have another meeting with our adoption ministry coming up soon in September and October is National Adoption Month, so we may actually apply as soon as October. (But I'm thinking it will more likely be in January.)

Facebook Down

What do you mean my Facebook profile is down for site maintenance!? I don't know what this means....

I might be the tiniest bit addicted to Facebook. I put up a status that Alex and I were at the St. Joseph County fair last night and I wanted to see if anyone had anything to say in response. I also wanted to add that a county fair seems to be the single largest collection of white trash, ghetto booty, teenage cleavage and jailbait in the county right now. That may seem to be a cruel thing to say, but it's true.

We went primarily for the food. Nothing feeds a summertime craving like carnie food - elephant ears, funnel cakes, caramel corn, cotton candy and while you're at it, ruin some perfectly healthy veggies for me and dip them in batter and deep fry the vitamins out of them please!! Love fried veggies. Mmm!

We got our elephant ear, and then went to the ticket booth where they were selling 4 tickets for $5. We gasped, unsure of how to proceed. Wristbands made sense, but they were $23 each. Sad to say, we didn't get to go on the ferris wheel, which was our one hope as far as rides go.

We did get the opportunity to go into the exhibit hall for the crafts and other projects, and I was so impressed with the quality and the talent of the kids in our 4-H, but I found myself being disappointed that OUR little town had very, very few entries. Most were from the outlying communities - not many at all from the city. Sad. City kids (and those rich snobs up North of us) could really benefit from 4-H - it is my belief that 4-H is better than forcing them into a sport or team they don't like all summer, or allowing them to stay in the house watching television and playing video games. But hey, who am I to judge? I don't even have children.

The fireworks were wonderful. I love fireworks. My favorites though are the golden-bronze or silver ones that shimmer sparks and embers. It always makes me think of the end of Peter Pan, when Tinker Bell showers Captain Hook's pirate ship with pixie dust to make it fly. I often wonder what America must look like from space on the Fourth of July? I bet it's beautiful.

I have some thoughts about our Nation's Independence Day as well. Weird ones. First of all, I'm no die-hard patriot. It wouldn't be devastating to me to move away from the US if we had to. But I do have a bit of patriotic spirit and I think we should observe and honor the amazing country we live in. But I find it a little disturbing that we honor our country by attending 'giant sales' at retail outlets that force their employees to work on a national holiday. 50 years ago, Independence Day was observed by all; everyone, every business, took the time to honor our founders, our fallen and our faithful. Now, in our post-consumeristic, legalistic society, our companies are so concerned with being open every single day and getting the extra bucks, that there is no honor, no observance. And the more we allow it, the worse it gets. I am never one to predict the future, but I would guess that Independence Day simply becomes another day in the calender, just like Columbus Day or Mother's Day, sometime in the future. I wonder if the banks will even close?

The best part of the evening was when we ran into our friends, Matt and Dana, and their 3 little girls. Bella and Jillian got to ride in the Crazy Mouse - some kind of hybrid between the teacup ride at Disney and a roller coaster, and Kailee, being only 3, had to sit out. And she was very upset about it, which was made worse by the fact that she was exhausted beyond measure. She let me carry her for a bit, but she's almost getting too big for me. She is definitely heavier than the other two girls were at her age. And everytime Mommy or Daddy came close, she would turn her face away and say "NO". Mad, cuz she couldn't go on any of the big kid rides. So Alex picked her up, MY ALEX!, and snuggled with her and carried her around for awhile. And the wild beast was soothed. Kailee loves Alex. We don't know why, but she does. And I think he likes her too. :) He was definitely working up his 'daddy muscles' last night. I may be allowed to have a baby yet!

Our day ended late, and happy, with horse poo on our shoes and the smell of carnie food on our clothing. This morning we are laying around, lazy for a little while, but I'm on my way out to get the grass mowed before it gets too hot. Besides, our jerk neighbors have made it quite clear that they've had it with our grass being the longest on the block. But you already know my feeling about our next door neighbors.... No? Let's just put it in short form - "Keeping Up With The Joneses" is their favorite game. And they've been doing it for so long that they don't know how to NOT compete with a young couple working on their first house.

Anyway, please be blessed, safe, careful and happy on this Independence Day. Take time to enjoy the life we have here in America - it's wonderful and there is no other place like it. Try not to lose any fingers, toes, eyebrows or other important limbs with firecrackers. Jump in the lake and love it. Hug a family member and honor the fallen heroes. That is all. :)

Pickled Beets and Purple Eggs

I have a wonderful memory of my Grandpa Orlin, who was my greatest inspiration and hero. It's not my favorite memory, but it's a beautiful one to me just the same. We always had certain foods when I went to Grandma and Granpa's house in the country. We always had tapioca pudding, applesauce over white bread and butter, oatmeal with milk for breakfast, green beans from the garden and sweet corn from my Uncle Dwayne's farm down the road. And pickled red beets with hard boiled eggs.

I just planted 5 rows of red beets in the garden and it made me remember sitting on the patio at the glass-topped table and Grandpa came out of the garage with a big plastic bucket full of purple juice that would permanently stain anything it came in contact with and said "Who wants purple eggs?!"

And my sister and I would say "Eggs aren't purple! Eggs are white!" And he would chuckle and dish out pickled red beets and hard boiled eggs that had been stained purple with beet juice. Carrie would never touch the beets, but it was one of our 'special' foods that we only got at Grandma and Grandpa's.

So in about 9 weeks, I'm going to say "Who wants purple eggs?!" And even if there are no takers, I'll be sitting on the patio, staining my teeth and tongue with beet juice, thoroughly enjoying my pickled beets and purple eggs. :)

Old Man Winter Better Move Along

March and April of 2010 was probably what I would describe as a perfect spring. When March rolled around, the days immediately warmed. They rose to the mid 50's and 60's and stayed there consistently until the end of May. It rained a lot in April, a perfect amount I would say, because my garden had plenty of water throughout the summer with very few efforts to keep it hydrated with the sprinkler. The sun shone and warmed up the ground beautifully and most of my seeds in the greenhouse germinated and sprang to life without too much coaxing.

This year, Old Man Winter has me by the balls. Figuratively speaking of course, since I don't actually have any balls to be had by. This winter weather just will not let up!

Come on Mother Nature! You need to shake off these blues you've been feeling and let some sunshine in!

I have cabbages, broccoli, peas and lettuces to plant, and the ground is hard and frozen. It actually snowed last week. Not that snow in March is an uncommon occurance in Northern Indiana, but instead an unwelcome one.

So Friday is April 1 and I have a paycheck coming in. I have planned to use part of that paycheck at the garden center on a few trinkets to help me finish up my landscaping. It's also supposed to be reasonably warm outside. With any blessing from Mother Nature, the herb garden should be planted by Sunday, and the seed potatoes should be in their beds.

I'm going to be visiting my sister-in-law, Rosa, in mid-April to help her and her family plant their 2011 vineyard. It's very exciting. In the last couple years, they have become very interested in wine and the fine craft of wine-making. And the products have not been too bad either! Personally, I teared up a little bit when I drank the last dregs of her cherry wine! It's definitely a retirement investment for them, and I envy them a little bit, because they have the kind of property that I would really like to have someday - 12 acres of land, space to hunt, horses, a perfectly proportioned home for the amount of land.... and so on and so forth. One day, one day. That's what I continue to remind myself. Alex and I will not always have to live on a 37 foot wide plot between the cruddy neighbors that we have now that keep encroaching on our property lines. One day, we'll have that 12 acres, maybe even more.

So anyway Old Man Winter, I'm really ready for you to shuffle along until November. Please move along so that I can get outside and get our summer produce going! We need to eat you know!

New Look, New Attitude.

Well, if you have just found me this morning, you will have been greeted by my all new background and 'look'. I must say I am quite pleased.

My motto for this beautiful new year is "Necessity is the mother of invention."

I am determined to constantly be seeking new and creative ways to be self-sufficient. I'll admit, yesterday, I was so depressed I couldn't get off the couch. (We also had a blizzard, which is the most opressive of the weather patterns I find.) But today, the sun is OUT, the snow has finally stopped, my back muscles are positively screaming from all the shoveling I did yesterday, I have friends, love, and life, and most importantly a FUTURE.

What brought about this sudden change? The sunshine outside helped. My husband suddenly deciding that we are going to pray together every night after some time of reflection and study in God's word was a huge part in my attitude adjustment. And it occurred to me that I do so much that ensures the survival of our tiny family that I have no reason on earth to feel useless and unwanted. My cats would DIE without me. It's true. My husband would live with his grandma without me. (Not so bad - she doesn't nag him like I do.)

I am returning to my original plan - to be a pianist! I didn't go through 22 years of piano lessons and 7 years of music school to be worthless. I sure as all get out didn't go through all that to be an insurance agent.

Alex is my manager. Beginning in March, I will begin marketing myself as an event pianist for weddings, receptions, etc, and an accompanist. That means I have to buckle down and practice every day again. I hope I have that in me.

I will continue to work the Etsy shop like my life depends on it.

I will try to take on a few new piano students.

I will grow my best garden to date this year. Hence the new background - veggies are one of my great loves.

I will preserve more food than ever this year.

I will create new recipes and try new things every week.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll convince that husband of mine that we should be thinking about starting our family?

Nah - I'll save that one for next year. :)